Ok, NOT to sound like a total pessimist, but...I've been really down the last couple of weeks. Sad. Crying. Feeling like I never get a break to do things for myself (or if I do, it can never last long because I have a nursing baby to get home to.) I feel fat. Despite breastfeeding, chasing a toddler and making efforts to eat healthier I have actually GAINED weight. I look about 4-5 months pregnant. I feel like I am constantly cleaning up messes & my house isn't decorated nearly as well as I would like it to be. Nate never seems to be home when I need him the most- naptime, dinner, bedtime. Asher is in the throngs of toddlerhood, with all that that entails. My blog doesn't have many followers & doesn't measure up to the cute/clever ones that I enjoy reading. I'm not the best mom I can be and I emotionally dump on my poor, loving husband.
Wow. Pretty depressing stuff, huh?
As I was crying to Nate on the phone about needing a serious break, I realized that it was 11AM- time to take the ol' birth control pill.
And that's when it hit me. "Honey, how long would you say I have been acting depressed??"
"I don't know...about two weeks or so, why?" he asks.
"BECAUSE I STARTED A BRAND NEW PILL TWO AND HALF WEEKS AGO."
Side effects of this particular pill: Depression or emotional changes.
I can't tell you how HAPPY I feel to realize that I am not losing it, because I really do have a wonderful life! That isn't to say that some of those feelings I am experiencing don't have genuine roots, but maybe they aren't as dramatic as I was thinking. :)
10 comments:
Isn't it great to realize it's not all you?! I am glad you have some answers. I hope a switch will help you feel better. (I personally hate the pill!!)
That said, being a mom of young children is extremely challenging! And especially hard when your husband is so busy at work. There will be time to yourself - it's just hard to see right now in the "trenches."
You are a great mom with great kids!
Cort I'm so sorry you feel even a little bit depressed, but I totally understand! You are a great mom! Don't worry about the messes too much, because they never go away. :) I just clean up all the toys every couple hours so I don't get too overwhelmed. One other suggestion: make time for yourself! A few friends and I have a girls night every couple weeks. Usually, it's just a movie and treats at my house after the kids are in bed since Dan works evenings. It's so nice though. We're gonna start trying to actually go out once in awhile too... to a restaurant without toys and with table cloths! :) You could put Collin on a bottle once a day, using your milk, so you can have a bit more freedom at that time. It works wonders. Hang in there girl! Hope to see you soon!
Oh Cort...eventhough life is "crazy" with 2 under 2, I think your discovery of the depression possibly being related to the bc pill is huge!!! Remember how depressed(and over-weight) I was a couple years ago, and for months....then I find the right doctors, get on the right thyroid medicine and BAM! Within weeks NO more depression, weight starts coming off easier, I sleep better at night.....hang in there honey. You are a GREAT mom - that I have seen first hand, you are a great cook, have a tastefully/artsy decorated home, you are so cute & fun & have a crazy sense of humor, and the list goes on. Please try not to be so hard on yourself - k?
Love you long time XXXOOO Mom
First of all, your blog's new look is adorable! Second of all, you deserve a medal for even being brave enough to have two kids under age 2. Kip is over 2 now and I still haven't gotten up the guts to have a second one! Lastly, I've had first-hand experience with bc making me crazy (I will never, ever, ever use the patch ever, ever again!). I'm sure you'll feel so much better once you find something that works. In the meantime, keep blogging about your beautiful family :)
Cortney...I'm just sorry it has taken a blog post from you like this for me to tell you how impressed I am by you. You are doing wonderful things with your life. I always open your blog and remember how pretty you are and always have been. Also, I have read your blog many times and been impressed and inspired by the way you talk about your boys. You sincerely and whole heartedly love them and care for them. I am so glad we are friends and that I have you to look up to as a beautiful mother and daughter of God. (I should have told you this a long time ago!)
hormones do crazy things...that's for sure! hopefully everything gets regulated so you don't feel so down!
Hey Corty, be thinking of some things you want to do on Friday while I watch the boys :)
Love you lots,
Tessy
Oh my gosh, I was having heart palpations thinking you were going to say you were pregnant! (Not a bad thing at all except you sounded so over whelmed already). Everyone is right, you are a wonderful Mom, 2 kids under 2 takes a tremendous amount of work and energy, and you do need to make time for yourself. Don't feel selfish about it either - If you're drained and in the dumps you aren't able to be as good of a Mommy as you could be when you're able to recharge your batteries. Hang in there, once you find the right birth control and figure out how to get some alone time you'll feel much better!!
thank you all for your sweet words of encouragement...they make me feel so good!!
Time to count your blessings, you really have it all when you think of it. I think your blog is one of the cutest!
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