I'm not even going to pretend that this week was anything but rough. Monday morning Nate, the boys & I went in for my first ultrasound. I knew the minute the technician put the wand to my belly that something was wrong. There was no flicker of a hearbeat and lots of silence. But the baby was large- 8 weeks, 6 days. Exactly as big as it should be. Which either meant that there was a mistake or that little heart had stopped beating VERY recently. We decided to get a second ultrasound with an OBGyn (I had been seeing a midwife) and if the diagnosis was confirmed, consult about what to do next.
We were shocked, mostly, and heartbroken. I cried a lot. And when the second ultrasound confirmed there was no heartbeat, I cried even more. Tessa babysat the boys for us so that Nate and I could spend the evening alone together. We went to dinner and saw a movie which fortunately managed to distract me for a couple of hours. I just need to say now, how grateful I am for Nate...for 2 whole days he stayed right by me. I love him for that.
Later that night I started on a medication that would start the actual miscarrying process. I didn't get to sleep until about 4:30am due to what Nate later described as a "biological nightmare." We prayed desperately for peace and comfort. And it didn't come immediately, but by the end of Tuesday I did feel at peace. And I felt especially grateful for my two wonderful little boys. Having been through pregnancy-loss before (a few too many times), I will say that it is easier to handle when you can cuddle one of your kids and know that more babies will come. We went to the park that evening. It was a special, happy time.
Wednesday we had to take Collin to the ER for possible iron poisoning. (He ended up being just fine.) We also got a letter from the AZ Dept of Revenue letting us know that we were being audited for our 2006 return. I got on the phone and got all that worked out...$200 later...
I am not even going to pretend that I understand why we lost this little baby. (I am convinced it was a girl.) But I know she'll come back to us. :) And I know that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me. And who has a plan for me. I am grateful that I can talk to Him. I feel grateful for all that He has given me, especially my little family. Life is so good!
14 comments:
Cort- I am so sorry for your loss! I have been through this a few times as well so I know how difficult it is and how sad it is. Hugs to you and your family. Never forget that your Heavenly Father loves and knows you and will always offer comfort. Keep hugging those two little boys and your wonderful husband. You will be in my prayers.
Hugs, Nate and Cort! Love you guys!!
It does sound like a truly miserable week, but your attitude and faith are admirable, to say the least! Here's hoping and praying that next will be much, much better :)
Hang in there cort! i'm so sorry! Losing a baby-no matter which way it happens is really hard! I'm glad you have the boys too...they make moments like these so much easier becasue you are greatful for what you have!
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. What a beautiful family you have though and Cortney your testimony is so strong! What a positive, uplifting, and inspiring outlook. Here's to a better week!
oh cort. we are praying for you. i admire your strength and optomistic outlook. please know how much we love you and are wishing you all the best.
Cort, I'm so sorry! I was 8 weeks when I lost mine too, but it had stopped developing at 6 weeks. Call me if you want to talk!! We have been trying again and it's still hard. I thought I'd get pregnant right away, but nothing yet. It's so hard to go through one of those! please give me a call, it always helps to unload on someone else. Love you!
I am so so sorry Courtney. I can't imagine how hard that would be. You're an amazing person. Just know I'm thinking of you and you're in my prayers.
So sorry to hear this. I am glad you have your boys there to get you through this.
Sweet girl. Sending you hugs and... chocolate. Always makes me feel better. Glad Nate is so good to you.
Thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry. Your testimony is amazing; you are in my prayers.
Oh Cortney,
I am so sorry to hear this news! We just love you so much! Hang in there!!! Lots of hugs!!!
I am so sorry for your loss. I so admire your positive attitude, though. I love all the pictures, your boys are the cutest, ever!
I am so sorry, I think we have all been through it. Awesome to think she was so special that she gets to go right to the next phase. Unspoiled and has the knowledge she already needed.
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