The most defining moments in my life have revolved around pregnancy, birth and children. I have deeply cherished those experiences. I used to joke to Nate that I would end up on that show "Addicted" for being addicted to pregnancy & birth- I'm really good at it! All summer long, I knew our "window" of time for having another baby was approaching, and all along I felt like we would end up with 5 kids. I was excited when I discovered I was pregnant in September.
The pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was sad, and really confused. When we sought counsel from the Lord, we were instructed that we had fulfilled our covenant to bring children to the earth. Lost pregnancies (5+) have taken a toll on my body, and pursuing more babies would not go well. So, my child-bearing years have closed. I've cried. I've felt angry with my body and its poor track record, but I'm trying to focus on gratitude...
How lucky am I?! I have 4 wonderful children! My body delivered them with incredible power and grace. I have an amazing husband- a righteous man who was willing to tackle 4 kids in 5 years with me. A husband who was willing to coach and help me through natural childbirth...I'm truly blessed.
I'm looking forward to entering the next phase of life and actually getting a full nights sleep (most of the time)! Diapers and colicky babies will be a thing of the past. We have so many adventures ahead- things that would be nearly impossible with a newborn in tow. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't do anything differently. The spacing of our children, while called into question by many, has proven to be a blessing. I'm grateful for each precious spirit that has been entrusted to our care.
So... our "Sis" won't be getting a little sis. Eden will be our caboose, our baby, our only little girl.
...and I'm feeling totally ok with that!
Also,
WE NEED A BIGGER BED. Morning cuddles are getting a little difficult with 3 lanky boys.
3 comments:
Such a beautiful entry!! It brought tears to eyes and yet, made us smile too.
You have indeed endured many difficulties with pregnancies, but have been so very blessed with the full-term labor & deliveries you have had. Blessed to not only have had healthy & speedy labor & deliveries, but immensely blessed to have such beautiful and loving children. To you and Nate both with God's help - well done!
It is with that last one that you have time to notice every little detail of childhood, and really enjoy the great moments, and learn from the challenges.
So....enjoy this phase of parenting, like pregnancies and babyhood - it too passes much quicker than we would like.
Much love ~ Dad and Mom Bartlett
Dear Cortney....We always enjoy the pictures of the kids and love seeing their latest happenings...I am so sorry about you miscarriage...I guess one might say God knows best...However you do have four wonderful children Three strapping boys and one beautiful little girl....It sounds as though you have come to terms with your miscarriage and hard as it may have been, you and Nate have moved on...and you will find great pleasure and exciting things to do with all of them, so keep the news and pictures coming, Grampa Bruce and I always look forward to them!! Love you!
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